Okay, let me start this article by clarifying my fatness situation. I’m no skinny minny wishing I could squeeze from a size 8 into a size 6. I’m a size 14 in some shops, a size 12 or 16 in others. A previous personal trainer told me I had ‘a good shape’. I guess that means I’ve got ample boobs, a waist of sorts and an ample bottom,
But my BMI tells me I’m firmly in the overweight category (only at 67 kilos will I be deemed healthy), my stomach is far from flat, I suffer from a bit of a chinneck (my term for lack of chin-to-neck definition) and I have a bottom that clears tables when I squeeze through restaurants. I know I should get my act together and lose a few kilos, but I’m struggling to care enough to make that happen.
Maybe I’m not fat enough?
Unfortunately I suffer from – as a friend called it recently – ‘reverse anorexia’. Instead of looking in the mirror, seeing ‘fat’ and then starving myself, I look in the mirror, see ‘fine’ and then eat a Curly Wurly.
In my day-to-day life I just don’t feel that fat. Yes, once in a while I’ll try on a pair of jeans and resent my muffin top, but I just buy a slightly bigger size. And, of course, there are often photos tagged on Facebook where I have more chins than a Chinese phone book, but a quick untag and it’s all forgotten.
I sometimes wish I were just a little bit fatter. If my thighs chafed when I walked or if I had to book two seats on a plane, then there would be more of a sense of urgency. As it is, I’ve bobbed around the same weight since I had my son (three years ago). I’m not getting fatter, but I’m not getting thinner.
Just sort your life out
I could change my eating habits, but then I don’t eat like a beast: no takeaways, no added sugar or salt, no fizzy drinks, no chuffing down a pack of biscuits in one sitting. I’m a vego, I drink skim milk and eat plenty of fruit, veg, whole grains and protein, but I do love cheese, bread, pasta, cake and all that ‘good’ stuff. I also drink, on average, four nights a week (just a few glasses of wine but enough to bring on the guilts), and I’m known to buy a couple of post-dinner Curly Wurlys for my husband and me, then eat both. So, yes, I could do better with food.
I could, of course, exercise more than I do. Currently I walk four or five kilometres each morning with the dog (admittedly at a snail’s pace with a cappuccino in hand). We don’t have a car, so I’m often biking to the shops or the pool with my three-year-old on the back. I occasionally swim or do yoga and even have sporadic fits of more frantic exercise, but they don’t stick. I know the busy argument doesn’t wash, but seriously, if I had a spare 30 minutes of free time, which I don’t, I’d rather read a book, or lie prone in a dark room, moaning. Can you really be fit and intellectual? I’m not sure, I even wrote a poem about it.
Just stop thinking about it
My husband says that I have to either lose weight or accept where I’m at and shut up about it.
‘Just stop thinking about it,’ he suggests.
And I’ve tried. Often 20 whole minutes go by when I don’t think about my weight at all. But then I open a magazine or turn on the telly or check Facebook only to be bombarded with images of thin/healthy women, with messages about being fit. There is, of course, a HUGE industry devoted to making me feel sufficiently bad about my extra kilos for me to hand over fat wodge of cash to help lose it.
I’ve done it all. Weight Watchers, ready meal deliveries, diet shakes, Michelle Bridges, but none of it has lasted. I’ve bought expensive gym memberships, I’ve tried personal trainers, but I hate being told what to do so that never works out.
A quick note on personal trainers: it’s their JOB to be fit and healthy, right? No one asks them, after a 10-hour day of training, to come home and write copy for an hour for their intellectual wellbeing, but they think it’s reasonable for me write for 10 hours and then go out and exercise for an hour for my physical wellbeing. Not fair!
My biggest weight loss successes have been solo efforts; I ran the marathon last year and lost 14 kilos, mostly training on my own or with my dog. Once I got down to 65 kilos by cycling from Phuket to Bangkok in three weeks, but this took a lot of time and effort and, right now, I don’t feel up to a challenge like that again.
The health risks
Of course I know there are health risks from being even marginally overweight: heart disease, diabetes, blood pressure problems, etc., etc. But I guess they just don’t feel sufficiently pressing to seem real. I can play around with my son, manage several flights of stairs, run for the bus, carry copious amounts of shopping home and move heavy furniture. Isn’t that fit enough? My Curly Wurly addiction and those extra glasses of wine could give rise to heart disease in 20 or so years. But I just find it hard to sacrifice my enjoyment of the now, to eek out my existence for a few more years (probably in some smelly nursing home). I’m hardly a hedonist, but perhaps I’m burying my head in denial sand without realising it.
Finding balance
Ultimately, I know it’s all about balance, about working exercise and good eating into your everyday lifestyle. Intellectually, I know this but for some reason I can’t turn it into action.
So tell me, my fellow women: Should I shut up and accept my current rotundity with good grace, or keep searching for the answer to a thinner me?
Hit me with your comments below:
Please note: Since writing this article I have enlisted the help of a personal trainer, who looks like Jason Stackhouse from True Blood, to help me get fit and healthy (and less fat). The quest continues.
About the Author: Kate Toon
Kate Toon is a writer, poet, copywriter and hula hoopa who lives on the Central Coast, (NSW) with her husband, son and dog. She likes to writes about dog poo, stalkers, bogans, being a mum and all the little things in life.
Kate has had heaps of plays performed across the globe.
She’s an active member of the Australian Poetry Society and is signed with literary agents Curtis Brown who are representing her children’s books. Her anthology of poetry “Gone Dotty” was recently published with Vivid Publishing. In ‘real life’ she’s a well-known advertising copywriter for large brands and small businesses. She can't bake cup cakes but she can play the recorder with her nose. Which is far more important really.
Kate regularly blogs her general ramblings at www.katetoon.com Related Posts
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Can I comment from a male perspective – blokes seem to accept carrying more weight much more easily than ladies – I myself have more in common with Sir Mixalot than I do with Woody Allen from a physique perspective. I would like to be thinner but I have other priorities and I am indeed very happy and enjoying my life.
I enjoy an active social life, have not found any problem with attracting female company, and yet I am the dark side of 20 stone.
Ladies seem to get a rockier ride from society in my view, and seem to let media stereotypes of ‘ideal body shapes’ worry them more. This is clearly unfair but then so is life sometimes and we have to choose our own priorities.
Personally I feel happiness is something inside us, not something based on our outward appearance, but it really comes down to how you feel about your outside on the inside. I know miserable good lookers, and happy fatties, but equally I also know the opposites.
For me, if I had to choose being a tubby and happy or the reverse I would choose to stick with the chunky one I see in the mirror every morning
Love this Jules. ‘I know miserable good lookers, and happy fatties, but equally I also know the opposites.’
I agree. Generally I’m really happy, but there is a niggle. A niggle that i am a bit too chubby and that I’m not quite as fit as I could be.
I also just want to feel good when I wake up each morning, not like a corpse rising from the grave.
So I’m going to focus on health not weight, stop beating myself up (as much), live life and enjoy the occasional curly wurly without guilt!
You should shut up about it and meet me for a boozy, calorie-filled lunch.
Ah well, yes I should, I should…
Loved this post Kate! We all struggle with this at any weight – I know I did until I found Michelle Bridges which (eventually) worked well for me. I did it twice!
I still agonise over what’s right and I think it’s about finding what works for you and what makes you happy. Looking at where you’ve had good results before, I reckon your best bet is to challenge yourself to do one fitness related event every 6 months or so. A Marathon is a huge one… why not move to a cycling event, a mini-triathlon or a fun run or cycle? It seems like having a goal that’s shared publicly could be your way?
I don’t think it’s possible to ever stop thinking about our weight! I’m definitely happier when I have a plan in place and I fit in my best jeans!
Thanks Giorgia! Yes I’ve thought about that, but on top of everything having a big challenge just makes me get sweaty and stressed. I think the key is to make it part of my routine. Not go hell for leather then stop completely (as I’ve done so many times before).
Although I’ve officially got more than 10kilos to lose, I think even 5 would be fine, then as you said I’d be able to fit into half my wardrobe again. Oh well, toes crossed. Thanks for commenting.xx
The answers you seek are here: Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It by Gary Taubes
http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Get-Fat-About/dp/0307272702
Exercising isn’t a great way to lose weight because it makes you hungry. Stop eating grains instead, and watch the kilos fly off.
Thanks Charles I’ll check it out. But really my ‘why i get fat’ is more to do with Curly Wurlys than grains.
I’ve had a good chuckle, Kate. I can only relate all too well (particularly the bottom/restaurant issue). Yesterday’s news about 65% of Australians being obese was a shocker and your thoughts bring it down to the issues: the everyday decisions we’re making. Obviously the majority of people (including me) don’t make good decisions and our lifestyle really sucks.
Your lifestyle though sounds a whole lot more active than the average Australian and you already have a good grasp of where you could develop better habits (eg buy buy Curly Wurlys).
I know the effects of living with type 2 diabetes (through work, not personally) and all I can say this is preventing this disease is all about preserving quality of life. Diabetes can ultimately mean having toes or legs amputated and losing eyesight. As you, I don’t need to become super old, but I’d like to be able to walk around and look at my grandchildren (not that I have kids yet, but hey, I’m being opitimistic).
Hey Christina, thanks for commenting. Yes when you put it like that I know I’m being a touch flippant about the future consequences. I guess I feel that I don’t smoke, I don’t drink to excess, I don’t take drugs, I don’t eat meat, I exercise (if moderately), I eat lots of heatlhy stuff. Can’t I have one vice !?!? (Curly wurlys) And I guess I can as long as I’m prepared to face up to the consequences.
I’d like to walk around after my grand kids and since I had my son so late that means I have to be healthy at 75 + so I guess i should sort my act out!
I liked your article a lot, Kate. Much of what you wrote resonated with me. Perhaps with the knowledge that many of us go through periods of super-fitness and dietary fads, should we aim for, and accept, a more gradual change (I.e. sustainable) in our lifestyles? That way there is no guilt in between the Olympian episodes…!
Hi Alice, thanks for commenting. Yes I think gradual changes is the way forward. Not the all or nothing approach. Also a general acceptance of what is right for you and your lifestyle. I’ll never be a gym bunny, it’s just not my character and nor do I want to be. So I have to accept that and stop banging my head against the gym wall!
Kate I was once told after having a child my body would never be like it used to be. Once I embraced that I stopped fretting about getting back in to my size 10/12 clothes. (However I still keep them in my wardrobe for ‘that’ day.)
Yes, I have a pair of ‘that day’ trousers that I purchased at a slim 27. Annoying thing is last year, after the marathon I was back in them!
Actually, even if you are classified as “obese”, if you get 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day your health risks go down to baseline. Look up the research by Glen Gaesser, Steven Blair et al. Or go to a blog called Dances With Fat by Ragen Chastain and read everything. You can be fat and physically healthy. The happy can take some work in a society where thin is in, but it can be done. I’m a size 24. I cycle 250km a week, go to yoga and have a job where I walk a lot. I do care about my health, that’s why I looked at the actual evidence and decided that being active was a better bet for long term health than constantly trying to lose weight.
Hi Nerida
What an excellent well made point. I totally agree that skinny does not mean healthy. And yes. I walk everywhere. I cycle to work. I can run a kilometre in 6minutes. But I have a large bottom. Since writing this post I’ve lost a bit of weight (mainly through not drinking at all – 30days and counting) and am feeling much better about myself.
I think Health before weight is spot on.
Thanks so much for commenting. I really appreciate it.
Yes it’s true that skinny women are not necessarily happy. I was an unshakable 42kgs throughout my entire teenage years (the 1990′s) and into my early twenties (I”m about 5ft 4 or 6 or something like that, not very tall anyway). You would think that would have made me wanna strut my stuff, but instead I was plagued with this feeling of not being ” A Real Woman”. I think there was so much uprising in the feminist community against the whole ‘skinny is more beautiful’ view, and a lot of women crying “well, I’m a real woman because I’ve got curves”v(ie: unlike those skinny bitches with small boobs and no hips). Well, I was the skinny bitch with no hips and NO boobs. I felt completely inadequate, and I wanted to be this “Real Woman” with the boobs and the curves. I remember laying in bed at night praying for belly fat and thighs that wobbled a little, not the puny little physique that I had been born with. I filled myself up with hamburgers and pies and milkshakes to no avail, and carried on through life feeling inadequate and easily intimidated by the Real Women who towered over me with their Amazonic proportions. And now, two kids later, I’m chubby. Fuck it. Didn’t I ask for this, all those years ago? I finally got the thunder thighs and the muffin top 25 years after my wishes were first delivered to whichever God controls the distribution of body fat (couldn’t he/she have at least deposited it on my breasts instead?) No, I got what I asked for (may this be a lesson to you all in being careful what you wish for), and I’m still not happy. But you know what? As a chubby woman I actually feel sexier than I did when I was skinny.
Hi Erica
I actually wrote this a while back now and sadly since I did I’ve actually discovered a few health issues. I have PCOS, which means I put on weight easily (such an awesome excuse for so long) but now I’ve got some blood sugar issues and all that rot, so I really HAVE to lose weight and get into my BMI, currently a nasty 29.9 on that wretched scales.
God has been kind to me, putting fat in all the right places, but she’s just been a bit over generous. But yes if/when I lose the weight I’m sure sure I’ll feel quite as womanly as I do now. Boobs and bums are what it’s all about these days.
The whole ‘real’ women thing gets on my tits. All women are real women! The size of your hips does not dictate your realness. Really!?
Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story.
Kate